How to Track A Squirrel
The sun was shining so the light for taking photos was perfect.
I had dressed correctly with dark green tights and a dress covered in nice flowers, maroon shoes and matching socks. This would make sure I remained part of the countryside. Perfume was correctly applied to smell of roses. The finishing touch was added, that of a bright pink coat, nothing would spot me. Now all I had to do was follow the instructions from my 100 year old copy of Squirrel Tracking for Dummies.
- Make sure to breath heavily and loudly when walking up hill. The odd loud wheeze is ideal.
- Stand on every twig and small branch.
- The occasional sneeze, or large fart works wonders to attract wildlife.
- Don’t forget to shout loudly the day greetings to every local you see, no matter how far away they are.
- Announce every other wildlife species you encounter using the yodel voice you learned whilst tracking Yeti. A SHEEEEEEEEP! A DOG!! A RABBIT!!! etc etc etc
- The use of the Nordic Walker ‘tappy’ stick is perfect.
All this will guarantee countless pictures of fuzzy, blurry, totally out of focus, squirrels. You can then show them all to your friends, and all the poor souls on social media.
The pictures may need labelling:
‘Red Fuzz’ = Red Squirrel or Autumn Leaf
‘Grey Fuzz’ = Grey Squirrel or Wolf
‘Brown Fuzz’ = Rabbit or Someone’s Hair
‘White Fuzz’ = Sheep or Polar Bear
All will be perfect.
Will we succeed? Will the camera go on sports mode? Find out next time on ‘Adventures of a Norfolk Pensioner’!!